Oh Canada…
Words don’t describe how much I will miss this beautiful country and the people I have met.
It's been a little over 4 months so welcome to my emotional word vomit of feelings from this experience so far. (I honestly don’t know how else to describe it. Please take this blog for what it is, me processing my emotions about leaving Canada as I sit in the airport. With a 9-hour layover I have a lot of time to think). I know I am behind on writing. I promise over the next few days and weeks I will be writing about my time and the adventures I have yet to share with you all playing catch up.
I am incredibly blessed for the people and opportunities I have had in Canada.
I questioned in the beginning if I was doing enough. Was I trying hard enough, working hard enough? I’ve had the time to think about what I want right now, who I want to be, and what matters to me. This all guides the decisions I make and where I want to go not just on the Watson but also in life.
I am taking the time to take a step back, pause, and reflect on these questions and it's something I have never done before. Anyone that knows me understands I constantly like to stay busy and be on the go, and in a way, I am continuing to do that. However, I have less direction from outside influences. Instead my internal compass as quirky as that sounds is leading me as I move forward. I am lucky to have the chance to do this, I know that. Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this journey so far.
In all honesty, I used to be terrible with change and I am still trying to get a better grasp on it. But one of the biggest compliments I have received since being in Toronto was from my friend; she called me one of the most spontaneous people she knows. I would never have used the word spontaneous to describe myself before but I like to think I am starting to see what she is talking about. I never want to be afraid to try something or go out on a limb just because it might be unknown or risky. I am trying to embrace what scares me instead of letting it hold me back.
It might sound like a self-help book or inspirational quotes but I don’t care. I feel like after covid everyone became locked up both physically and emotionally. Forced into secluded spaces, left to our thoughts but not by choice. Restricted by forces, not of our choosing and free will.
Leaving and not being allowed back home has forced me to see that home is where you make it. Home travels with you and that feeling you can create with those you make along the way. Canada was never part of the original plan. I never thought I would find myself spending so much time there. Traveling around Toronto and the GTA, across Nova Scotia, and throughout Quebec City, there is a never-ending amount of people to meet, communities to connect with, and public art just waiting to be explored.
To the incredible people, I have had the chance to collaborate and work with at STEPS thank you for opening up and welcoming me into your organization. I am inspired by the work you all do and the communities you both create and bring together. I have so many ideas, plans, and objectives I can’t wait to work through and develop all deriving from the projects I have had the chance to be a part of.
To the friends I made along the way, thank you.
You are beautiful souls.
Thank you for opening up your lives, sharing your homes, and embracing me. I know that we wills tay connected for the rest of our lives. Gosh writing this is hard because It feels like I know I will see you all tomorrow. Or I will be back in a week.
As I continue to learn about myself I will keep you each close to me as I travel forward. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to leave everyone. It seems so long ago that I was figuring out what a streetcar was, that Eglington was a street, not a place, alone in another country not knowing anyone.
Everyone I have had the chance to talk, discuss, debate, and think through public art, community, creative place-making, and in general life on this journey thank you. I mean it when I say when you become a part of my life, that doesn't just go away because of distance. It lasts and will continue to.
For those who wish to know, my next step is the Azores, Portugal. After which I will spend a few weeks in Lisbon gaining a larger understanding of Portugal's Public Art Scene. Never did I think I would be traveling to Portugal. If you had asked me a month ago where the Azores was, to be honest, I would have had no idea. But through the crazy way the world works, I met an incredible woman who recommended that I stop on my way to South Africa. I met an artist who inspired me to explore the public art scene. I connected with two artists who founded an international public art festival in Portugal and off I am.
As I am leaving Canada to embark on the next leg of my Watson Year, I would like to say I haven't cried multiple times when saying goodbye to people here but that would be a flat-out lie. I promise no sad tears but thankful and happy ones for this country and its people. I feel like a special part of me will always be in Canada and I am taking a little bit of Canada with me.
(I was told that I am an honorary Canadian which I take very seriously)
The nerd in me holds the saying “adventures are meant to be shared” (Gandalf of course) close and this statement couldn’t be more true after my experiences in Canada. I'm going to stop writing this now otherwise I think I am going to shed some tears in the airport next to this family about to go on vacation.
Thank you for reading this letter and I appreciate you all. I know it might not make the most sense but I appreciate your support. Don’t be afraid to reach out and email at maiashelbyhay@gmail.com.
