A Moment of Reflection
It's been a while… I know.
Life has been a roller coaster, up, down, and honestly all around.
I recently got done with the International Public Art Festival and Conference. It was incredible! I feel so blessed to work with this team and assist with production. I have a post coming about that soon I promise!
This past weekend I hiked up Lions Head. Let me just say I thought my fear of heights was better. Yup nope still very much there.
Did I swear all the way up .. yes.
Was I physically shaking… yes.
Did I go down the way I came up even though it terrified me… yes.
Don’t be fooled by how relax I look, its all a pose. haha I finally stopped shaking at this point.
That experience got me thinking about that feeling. That feeling of fear and how it drives you to make choices or refrain from them. Then this song came on today and I realized how long it has been since I had posted. How much I’ve needed to write out my thoughts and get back to posting.
Daydream- Lily Meola
Listen first: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZjVRyIBIX0
“Darlin’, don’t quit your daydream
It’s your life that you’re making
It ain’t big enough if it doesn’t scare the hell out of you”
These lyrics and this song hit hard.
I have big decisions to make. I got into the Master's Art and Ecology Program at the Burren College of Art in Ballyvaughan, County Clare, Ireland. (SUPER PUMPED) This means I will only be home for 2 weeks before I leave again to live in another country for a year (this time I can come back home though which is a plus). It's a quick turn around and I won’t lie. I got emotional thinking about how short the time would be to see my family and friends before leaving again. Then I thought I can make that time matter, and make the most of it, I just need to get a little creative.
It's been 7 months since I left and I’ve settled in Cape Town. I love it here but I can’t stay. I have to move on. Which is hard I won’t lie. What I wanted from my Watson in 2020 changed in those 2 years. The person I was before was not the woman who left in August. The person I am now is not the person 3 months ago. I have come to realize that I need to trust my gut, that feeling I can’t explain clearly. When you know you know. Trusting that feeling.
Embracing those moments, it's scary. Terrifying actually. I continue to question myself constantly, about my choices and what I am doing but at the end of each day, I am happy. This song made me think on that, that all the choices are worth it. I have big ideas, some days are harder than others, failure is inevitable, and I will continue to grow.
Before I had this plan, an expected course each country mapped out but courses change. Anyone who knew me in College or honestly even before that I was always a woman with a plan. 3 years 5 years out I had goals. I am still like this in a way but if covid taught me anything, sometimes life is out of your control. Embrace those moments. I made incredible friends when working at Target, lifelong friends I never would have if covid didn’t push the pause button.
I had coworkers ask me this past Friday, do I ever get sad? It's a weird question to ask someone. I think that no matter how positively you see the world and constantly want to connect the dots and bring everyone together, there are times when each of us has those moments.
Personally, for me, it's not letting those moments define my life. It's allowing myself to accept those feelings and letting them out. The good, the bad, the happy, the sad, it's all equally important. I wouldn’t be the artist or the person I am today without that. I won’t lie I am bubbly, often described as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I used to think being described this way was a bad thing but I love embracing it. As I continue to meet people on my travels I can’t emphasize enough how important listening is. People often act one way in front of others but feel completely different alone. So much is not how it seems and so many mistakes are made when people make assumptions that could have easily been avoided by listening.
Does any of this make sense? Sorry if this seems a little bit scattered, I’ve needed to reflect. This is personally how I feel, everyone processes differently so I hope no one feels as though I am pushing onto them.
I don’t exactly know what the next step will be after the Burren and that's okay.
I don’t need to have it all planned.
I don’t need to have all the answers.
Thanks for reading everyone! I know that was a bit heavy but look out I got lots of exciting Festival and Conference Updates coming soon!
Seeing this bird at the top legit is the reason I stopped shaking. (No idea what it is, I think a bird of prey, Hawk or something).
